What Not to Say to Your College Professors (Based on Actual Things Said by my Students)
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Can you believe it's almost August already?! I had my usual end-of-summer panic the other day, wherein I realized, as I do every summer, that I'm not ready for the semester to begin, haven't purchased my textbooks, don't know where my classroom is, etc. etc. (Yes, this still happens despite five years of being in higher education.) I also started finalizing my new syllabus for the Composition class I'll be teaching this year—which, you guessed it, means reminiscing on last year's kiddos and all the fun (and not so fun) memories I have of my first two semesters teaching college students.
In the higher education system, colleges are composed of two separate yet equally important groups: The students who pay to be there and the professors who teach them. These are their stories...
These are actual things my students said to me last year. Enjoy—and kids, learn from their mistakes.
1. "My professors last semester assigned homework over the weekends, and I failed because I didn't do it. So you can't assign any homework over the weekends."
This was said to me the first day of class by a student. Let's just say, he did not make a good first impression.
But honestly, commanding your college professors is never a good idea; it violates the hierarchy of authority in a classroom setting and is guaranteed to make us angry. Instead, if you have a hectic work schedule and need to discuss allowances on due dates or missing assignments, just be respectful and honest in telling us what's going on. I tell this to all my students: if you communicate openly with me, I am 100% more likely to show you grace versus when you tell me I need to do something.
2. "Have you noticed that your face gets red sometimes?"
Yes, I have.
College students are shockingly similar to toddlers in a lot of ways, and in the same way a toddler points out a zit on your face and asks you what that giant red bump is, I had a student ask me if I noticed that I sometimes blush while teaching. Thanks, buddy! I do enjoy being reminded that I get anxious while public speaking!
3. "I'm going to prioritize other classes over this one."
This one hurt—not gonna lie. A talented student said this outright to me during a student conference. After I told them how they were excelling in my class, they decided to tell me their plan of slacking off in order to raise their grades in their other classes.
Kids, don't do this. While I really enjoyed teaching them before this incident, the only thing I could think about after that was how they had told me to my face that they weren't going to try in my class anymore. Working hard in all your classes gets you a long way in college, and your professors will see that effort and reward you for it, I promise.
4. "I wrote this paper in 30 minutes at 6 o'clock this morning."
This goes with the point above. Don't admit that you didn't work your hardest to a professor's face. When students tell me point blank that they write every draft of every essay in my class at 4 a.m. the night before, when they've had weeks to complete it, not only does it tell me that they don't care about doing well in my class, but also that they don't respect me as an authority figure. I'm not saying you should always go out of your way to impress your professors, but you should strive to present the best image of yourself to them—you might forget the offhand comments about procrastination that you made to them, but they won't forget those comments when they're writing you a recommendation letter!
5. "Can I leave class early every day?"
The biggest pet peeve I have while teaching is students that leave my class early and don't want to use an absence. But this comment takes the cake. This student actually thought they should be able to leave early every single day because they scheduled their shift at work to overlap with the end of my class. And at first, they weren't even going to ask me if it was okay! Only after they repeatedly left class early without explanation and lost points, did they realize they might need to talk to me about it.
*cue internal screaming*
I understand that paying for college is difficult and working while going to college is even more so (I had three jobs plus 18 credit hours four different semesters of undergrad—trust me, I understand!). But if you're prioritizing working over going to class, what's the point in working to pay for those classes you aren't going to/learning from? You're paying a lot to attend college, so if you're struggling to maintain the work-school balance, talk to a professor or a counselor, who would be more than happy to offer tips on how to better budget your time.
6. "Why does she assign so much reading? I don't have time to do this."
And lastly, the classic, "I'm going to talk to my friend about the professor when I sit at the front of the classroom and the professor is standing a foot away." I'm always torn between wondering if they want me to hear, thinking I'll change whatever they're upset about, or if they genuinely believe a person standing 12 inches away from them can't hear a stage whisper.
Without fail, every time I hear a student complaining about the homework I've assigned, I walk up to them and ask, "Do you have a question about the assignment?" Most of the time, they have the courtesy to pretend to be embarrassed that I clearly heard them badmouthing me.
Here's the bottom line: complaining openly about an assignment (especially one as reasonable as a short reading in a Composition class) is disrespectful, and when you're disrespectful to an authority figure, nothing good happens. You aren't going to be the hero of the class and get the homework cancelled for the rest of the semester. More than likely, the next time you ask for grace on a missed assignment or an over-the-limit absence, that professor is going to remember how little regard you have for them and say, nope, I hope you've learned your lesson.
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