Thoughts On: [What It's Like to Be a Writer]

Ever wonder what life is like in the noble profession of creative expression? What it's like to be a member of that wonderful community which your parents always kindly remarked would leave you poor and destitute? Well, here's five thoughts on what it's like to be a writer:

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1. After five years of consistently writing, a BA in creative writing and journalism, a journalism internship, short story publications, a grant award, and one year down of an MFA in creative writing, I still introduce myself as an "aspiring writer."

Ever heard of impostor syndrome? Us in the writing world sure have. (According to Wikipedia: Impostor syndrome is when an individual doubts their accomplishments, and has a persistent internalized fear of being exposed as a "fraud." Despite external evidence of their competence [note: degrees, publications, etc.], those experiencing impostor syndrome remain convinced that they are frauds, and do not deserve all they have achieved.)

The crazy thing is, impostor syndrome isn't just for us lowly MFA students who have yet to break into the "post-MFA" industry. I consistently see New York Times bestselling authors, people who are making a living writing and selling books experience bouts of doubt each time they start a new project. Even John Green, author of the wildly popular Fault in Our Stars, tweeted earlier this month, "I wish I could remember how to write a novel." 

I think impostor syndrome can serve to make writers better. It can spur us to never be complacent, to always critique and doubt our work so that it continues to improve. But it can also be paralyzing, stress-inducing, and mentally exhausting. Imagine if doctors had impostor syndrome as badly as creatives: Well, George, I think the last successful operation I performed was just a fluke and I'm not actually a good surgeon at all, so I'm going to hand you over to another doctor who is probably suffering the same debilitating self-doubt. Hope he doesn't choke while you're on the table! 

It's difficult to take yourself seriously as a writer because 1) the world so often doesn't take your career seriously, and 2) it is a career driven by subjective criticism. In other words, a hundred people may dislike your work, but if the right person likes it, it can become successful (eg. JK Rowling's 12 rejections for Harry Potter), and it may be difficult to tell if you just suck or that right person hasn't read your work yet.  

2. Me: "Hey, guess what awesome news I got?"
Normal person: "What? Did you get a publication?"
Me: "Even better. A personalized rejection letter."

(Maybe I embellished a little for effect. I would take a publication acceptance over a rejection any day--but I digress.)

Before I became a writer, I never thought I would get even the slightest bit excited by a rejection letter. And most rejection letters are demoralizing form emails saying something vaguely resembling a bad breakup line: Your piece isn't quite the right fit for us at this time, We hope you have good luck with another lit mag in the sea, Our publication doesn't feel like the right home for your story, etc. etc. 

However, you know you've really lost it when your eyes catch on words typed by an actual human being, sometimes separated by a "Personal Note" denotation, in which the cold robotic fog parts for just a moment to reveal glorious hope: Everyone loved your submission, and the only reason it wasn't accepted was due to an unprecedented volume of submissions this period, or While we didn't accept this particular piece, we are very interested in your work and encourage you to submit again next round, or, the best I've received yet, Here is a list of questions we felt the piece needed to answer and revisions to make before the piece is 100 percent ready for publication. 

When the rejection departs from the form letter, you know you've at least appeared on the editors' radars, if just for a momentary blip.

3. Stranger: "So what are you in school for?" 
Me: "I'm getting my master's in creative writing."
Stranger: "Oh, so what can you do with that? Teach, I guess?"

Yes, I am a fairly realistic (and pessimistic) person, so I know I'm going to teach with my degree. (Plus, I enjoy teaching, but again, I digress.) However, no one goes up to a biology major and asks, "So, why are you getting that degree? What are you gonna do with it? Teach or something?" *scoffs* 

I'm going to quickly list some other careers you can have as a professional writer so that the next time you ask me this question, you can be a little more creative: author, copy-editor, arts administrator, creative director, magazine editor, publishing executive, lexicographer, journalist, freelance article writer, marketing/advertising copywriter, corporate/institutional communications manager, and the list goes on.  

4. Sometimes I make myself sad while reading my own writing.

Take a moment to picture your favorite fictional character's death. Remember how distraught you were, and how maybe you're still not over it (*cough* Fred in Harry Potter *cough*). Now, imagine how it felt for that author, who had lived in that character, learned the ins and outs of their personality and lovingly crafted their story, who had spent years (and in some cases, decades) with them, to cut that fictional life-cord like the Fates in Hercules. 

Personally, I feel like if I'm not upset at the moments I want my readers to be upset, something is wrong. While yes, the more you write and re-write and revise the scenes, the more you're desensitized to the heartbreak or what-have-you, but I firmly believe that if you as the author don't care about a death or a loss in a story, the reader won't either. It's those scenes that are hardest for you to write that are often the most moving for readers because they can pick up on that emotional vulnerability and genuine heartache in the language and tone. 

So yes, sometimes I get upset while reading the scenes I have written myself about my characters suffering, and I'd say from talking to others in this community, that's pretty normal. Unless you're George RR Martin, in which case, you just laugh gleefully at each beloved character you kill off. 

5. Being a writer is not easy.

When I tell people I'm a writer, their first thought is often that I'm pursuing a hobby as a career. ("Oh, you're so lucky you get to do something that comes so easily to you as a job. I bet you have a lot of fun.") 

Don't get me wrong: I do have a lot of fun as a writer. At the end of college, I came to the realization that I have a finite number of days on this earth, and I am going to spend them doing something I love wholeheartedly--high salaries be damned. However, do not mistake my enjoyment in this career path for easiness. Honestly, writing isn't always fun for me, much less easy. 

Writing is hours spent hunched over a laptop writing and rewriting the same scene twenty times. It's waking up in the middle of the night to scribble notes on the pad beside your bed, lest you again make the mistake of convincing yourself you'll remember the brilliant idea in the morning. It's having a rejections folder that's bigger than an acceptances folder and questioning whether you're really cut out for this. It's realizing that the successful writers are the ones who keep going when the going gets tough, who learn from rejections and bolster their resolve with acceptances, who triumph over the fear of letting strangers read their work. To write is to be vulnerable, to lay yourself bare for criticism, to reveal to others how you see yourself and the world. 

Writing, and being successful at it, is one of the most rewarding things in my life--but it's hardly ever easy.

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